How on earth did I get into this situation, wanting......needing, to lose 100lbs?
At my lowest every weight, following the final of The Biggest Loser I was approx 203lbs (92.1 kgs / 14 '7 Stone).
Today as I type this, I am much, much more than this 😔 I've shared a lot of over the year about my attempt, reattempt and further reattempt - I don't know how many times. You might wonder, Paddy - do you never get sick of trying. And the answer would be, yes - sometimes I do. However - this does not mean I am going to give up or quit on myself. Each attempt, each challenge, each drama - has taught me something new each time.
For example, recently I looked at my trend since my initial weight loss to now - and I was blown away by the trend I seen in one particular part of my past where my weight shot up out of the norm in comparison to the rest of the gradual upward trend.
One of the things this graph shows is that, although my weight was trending upwards there were very regular spells of downwards also. And this is so important to highlight, as the reverse is very true when people are trying to lose weight - there absolutely will be many ups & down weight wise along the way. Weight-loss is never simply one straight line down, you should be expecting to see weeks where you stay the same, weeks where you go back up a bit and then down again - and this flow will repeat itself many many times over the duration of your efforts.
I've shared before also about the shame and anxiety I feel at times about having regained weight, sometimes I feel super positive and be like "fcuk this - it's my life and journey, to hell with what others think" - but then other days, usually if heading into a situation / social event where I'll be meeting people I know - I'll just want to run, hide away and have a little cry for feeling like a disappointment. That glancing look in the mirror reconfirming I've failed, and failed hard.
But then again, I'm not a fan of failure - which is why I'll never give up.
I wish I knew why I regained all the weight, I've essentially regained all the weight I lost during The Biggest Loser - something which sadly isn't a huge surprise, as it's often said something like 95% of people who lose weight regain it again. Personally, I think the reason for this is that its only that small 5 or so percent who take the time out from the fads, the crash diets, etc to actually understand fully why they have such a challenging relationship with food.
If you've read much of my stuff / heard me talk before, you'll know I detest that saying of eat less move more, as I find it ignorant, I really do. It usually comes from people who have never been severely overweight. Ok, yes - the basics are that technically you ideally want to be moving more whilst you are eating less - this is after all the energy balance thats needed technically - however to over simplify the massive complex process we go through mentally to both gain weight and then lose it, is unfair.
I would love to see the eat less move more mindset changes, to something like - think more, negative talk less. As when we go through these tough patches we can be so tough and negative about and towards ourselves which gets us into a viscous circle of feeling down, usually over eating to feel better, and then feeling guilty and then the whole process repeats.
Anyway - for now, I just want you to take away that it's perfectly ok to need to restart. It's perfectly normal to feel a little deflated, and its absolutely 100% ok to be honest and admit you are struggling with things. What is not ok - is to give up on yourself, you deserve the best life you can achieve, you deserve to have the best health you can, and to genuinely feel happy and proud of who and what you are.
My journey is only (re) starting (again).
My journey is to lose 100 lbs, I've no set date in mind - but roughly I'm aiming for the end of 2020.
Through it all I shall be doing regular updates here - and weekly videos on my YouTube also, the first vid will include initial weigh in & starting pics etc (sorry in advance to your eyes). I'd suggest popping over to my YouTube now and you can subscribe and click the little bell / alert icon meaning that way you'll get notified as soon as I have a new video out each week.
Until next time, be kind to yourself.
Ps. You Are Awesome.
Heres a pic of me from back when I was 203 lbs doing a bit of modelling for EJs Menswear in Sligo, wearing some G-Star clothes that is probably one of my all time favourite outfits.